"Pandemic, lockdown, quarantine, shelter in place," were not the words I used to describe my day-to-day. Several weeks ago, these words only had intellectual meaning for me. I could give you a definition as if it came straight out of a google search. Today, the definitions of these words are embedded in my body because I have lots of thoughts about them that generated a multitude of emotions. I experience their vibration through my being. I can now confidently say I KNOW the meaning of these words.
These last few weeks, I've experienced a symphony of different vibrations with high and low tunes. As I reflect on this, I see that I've been the director of my own orchestra, and I've created the various melodies I've experienced. When my perspective of my new circumstances were negative, the tune played in a lower key, and it was deafening. When I shifted to a more positive interpretation, the tune was more upbeat but softer….much more gentle and calming. I joined a virtual retreat this week, and the meditation and yoga practices I participated in have allowed me to go inwards in much-needed reflection. It has helped tremendously in tuning my instruments (thoughts), so I could restore and balance the pitch of the melodies I was composing and playing in my mind.
The tune I'm focusing on this week is based on gratitude but with a new perspective. During this shelter in place phase we are in, it is easy to focus on all the things you want, and can't have.
Like you, I miss a lot of things. I miss going to my favorite restaurants with my partner, I miss going to my barre studio, I miss walking around Whole Foods without any worries, I miss seeing a different $ amount in my 401K statement, I miss my quiet time while the kids are in school, I miss my friends, my extended family, and the hugs. I want all this, but I can't have them right now. I have two options; the first one: I can continue to miss what I want and lack and suffer as a result, or the second one: I can turn to gratitude and bring my attention to everything I do have and can be grateful for at this moment in time. This week I offered myself a third option; I'm practicing gratitude with a twist. I'm creating a new list of wants. Wants of what I ALREADY have, and I'm practicing wanting them all over again. As I practice this, I realize I have more profound wants, and my life is so full of what I want already. My "wants bucket" is overflowing. My gratitude practice is much richer now because I'm not just thankful for what I have, but I WANT what I have, which awakens that sense of satisfaction in having my desires fulfilled. It's not about... "I HAVE this, so I might as well be grateful for it." It is more like... I WANT this and I'm so thankful that I have it" One example that comes to mind that I reflected on was from when I was pregnant. I would get asked, "do you want a boy or a girl?" My go-to answer was, "I just want a healthy baby." And so the babies were born, and they were healthy. And I was grateful. With the years, this want fainted away in that it's easy to stop wanting what you already have. And yes, I've said many prayers of gratitude for the health of my kids. My emotions during these prayers do not resemble what I felt at the hospital when I was about to give birth. All I WANTED then was for that baby to arrive healthy without any complications. When I decided to renew this want, I got to experience the desire to have healthy kids all over again. I want healthy children, and I have them. It was like reliving the day my kids were born. The same goes for my partner. I want a strong, affectionate, emotionally intelligent, and generous man in my life, and I have him. I want a lovely dog as a companion, and I have her. I want to move and exercise, and I have a beautiful, healthy body willing and able to satisfy that want for me. I want to fuel my body with nutritious food, and I can open my fridge, and there they are...the ingredients to cook a healthy meal. The list is endless..., and it includes the big and the little things. Hey...I even want this laptop I'm using to type up this message for you. I remember the first time I wanted it! I get to want it again, right now. I know all of you wanted many things before this pandemic. Maybe you were saving money to go on a trip, to buy a house or early retirement. It's okay to want and to dream. I encourage my clients to do so. Today I hope I can inspire you to dream about the life you already have...the things you already own...the relationships you already enjoy. Take inventory of all of it. Write a list. And as you do so, you may run into a few things you don't want. Just let go of them to make ample room for what you genuinely wish to satisfy your heart's desires. This exercise restored the balance of the tune I was playing. It has a beautiful sound. I love knowing that I'm the director of my own life. It is my wish for you to compose the melodies that sing to your heart's content. My heart is full because of it, and I know so will yours. I'm currently taking my clients through a one-on-one Six Week Self-Coaching Program, where they can learn some essential tools to make room for what they WANT in their lives. Please reach out to me if you would like to get coached. Or, forward this post to anyone you are inspired to share my message with. Love, Silvina xoxo
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